For a little over a year, we had downgraded to being a one-car family. "This is going to be such a great idea!"... said no one. EVER. Plus, that one and only form of "reliable" (and I use this term lightly) transportation we had (and still have, yes) is about as archaic as you can get.... except that it does have air, heat, and, of all things, Sirius XM radio. And no, it's not a 1987 model car... it's a 2009. Go figure. And never mind the fact that you have to manually roll the windows up and down. All four. G.H.E.T.T.O.
Over Labor Day weekend, my husband decided to put an end to this nonsense. Begrudgingly, I "agreed." I say this because if there's one thing I hate in life, it's car shopping. I mean, I hate lots and lots of things. Like grocery shopping, feet, the word "moist," and clowns with scary teeth. To me, car shopping is comparable to shoving rusty, ancient spikes through my eyeballs, while having headphones forcibly shoved into my ears with literally any song by Meatloaf playing on repeat, over, and over, and over again... and my hands would be in restraints so I wouldn't be able to rip the ear buds out to relieve the mental scarring that was taking place. Just a horrifically painful experience. One that requires a triple dose of Xanax. It's true. I would rather experience a bout of severe diarrhea while standing in a 3-hour long line for a roller coaster on a hot summer day. While holding three screaming newborn babies.
So, the hubby and his dad were given the task of finding our new ride. I wanted no part in the process whatsoever. After much research and shopping, tears and yelling, we're now the proud owners of a 2013 Hyundai Sonata. And let me just say... I feel like Michael J. Fox in the DeLorean. It's just so stinkin' fancy. I mean, the ability to control your windows with a simple press of a button brings such joy and wonder. I can actually plug my iPhone in to the USB port and listen to MY music. I can talk to my sister on the phone, using Bluetooth, through the stinkin' radio and speakers. My mind was completely blown. The trunk is so big that I'm pretty sure we could fit approximately 13 bodies in it. With room for a few bags of groceries. Not that I've measured or anything. And not that you want bodies and groceries in the same trunk space at the same time. That's just not sanitary. I'm pretty sure the only thing the car doesn't have is a flux capacitor, which as we all know, makes time-travel possible.
But, one of THE MOST AMAZING features that this new world of automotive technology offers us is the fantastic and genius invention of heated seats. Oh. My. Goodness. This morning, it was 38 degrees outside, and the rain was pouring. A bit nippy for Charlotte this time of year. But, all morning, while I was carefully choosing my "winter" attire for the work day, I had a glimmer of hope, a spark of joy in the back of my mind. Today was THE day. I could legitimately use the heated car seat. I was beyond giddy with excitement. It's really sad, I realize this. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I'm a cheap date. But, oh. These heated seats make me ridiculously happy. So happy.
I got in the car, pressed the "start engine" button - which, by the way, is SO hard to get used to. I know, I know... "shut up; quit complaining about those awesome luxuries your fancy pants car has to offer." But, it's true. So, after forgetting for the 274th time that I didn't need a key to start the car, the moment had arrived. I turned to my right, looked down at the middle console, and gleefully pushed the "on" button for the driver's side heated seats. SHEER AND UTTER BLISS I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!
I never knew that it was possible to have a warm butt while driving in the freezing cold. It far surpassed all of my hopes and dreams. So, thank you, inventor of the heated seat. Thank you for keeping this gal's fanny toasty warm on a blustery day. GOD BLESS YOU. So much.
