I'm pretty much an open book; I don't really hold back and I typically say what's in my head without really thinking through all of the ramifications that my "verbal explosions" can produce. Word vomit. That's my self-diagnosis.
So, this is going to be a really honest post. A little more than a year ago, we met an awesome couple - Brian and Laura Norris. Todd had gone to high school with Brian, and due to the wonders and magic of Facebook, they were able to re-connect. We went to dinner at Azteca, and they told us about their vision to move back to Charlotte and start a church near Uptown. Sure, Charlotte is definitely in the "Bible Belt" and there are a plethora of worship congregations to choose from. You could go to a different church every single day of the year and you still wouldn't have hit all of them. But, Brian and Laura felt called to reach out to an area of Charlotte that typically isn't given hope, love, and opportunities.
Here's where my blatant honesty comes in... while I was really excited about the prospect of starting a new church - FOR THEM - I was more than content; perfectly happy attending the church that Todd and I had been going to for the previous 3+ years. Brian and Laura graciously asked Todd and I to be a part of their launch team. Of course, I agreed - because that's what I do. I tend to be a people-pleaser on the outside, but act like a spoiled brat on the inside. So, behind the scenes, I complained. A lot. Pretty much every week I whined like a baby to Todd about how I missed our "old" church and that I wanted things to go back to the way that they were... where I was comfortable. I didn't want to go to worship practice. I didn't want to sing. I didn't want to get up early on Sunday morning and spend half of my day setting up, attending the service, and tearing down. I wanted my weekends to be "all about me."
Todd is a perfect balance for me in that he doesn't take crap from me. He tells me "how it is" without holding back. He flat out told me that if I didn't want to be a part of a work of God that no one was forcing me. Maybe I was going to be a hindrance to their efforts and if I didn't want to be there, I should just stop going altogether. The truth can hurt, and it did.
That's when I realized that I was acting like a two-year old that couldn't have a cookie before dinner; throwing a massive tantrum complete with foot-stomping and fake tears. I was being ridiculous. Clearly, God had placed this wonderful couple into our lives for a specific purpose and reason. He's not a God of mistakes, and there are no coincidences with Him. It was time to take a look inside myself and do some major attitude adjusting. So, I prayed. I told God that if this was the church that He wanted me to serve at, at least for the time being, that I needed His help and strength to change my perspective. It's hard for me to grasp this concept sometimes, but I tend to be a prima donna and forget that it's really not "all about me."
Over the last few months, I've seen dramatic changes in my life and attitude. God really does what He says He will do. If you come to the realization that you don't have it all together and that you're miserably failing in one or more areas of your life... if you ask Him to give you the help and guidance that only He can give - and then if you're willing to RECEIVE that help and guidance, well, it's life changing.
I can now say, in total confidence, that I love Citylight Baptist Church. I cherish the friends I've made there and the ministry opportunities that God has opened up for me. He's brought me out of my comfort zone on so many levels that it's kind of mind-blowing at times. That's not to say that I still don't have moments of weakness and thoughts of "me, me, me" creep in... but, believe me, it's much more fruitful to be attempting to live the plan that God has set out for you than the plan you have mapped out for yourself.
So - thank you Lord for this opportunity; thank you Pastor Brian and Laura for allowing Todd and me to be a part of this movement of God; thank you for gently nudging me to use the talents that I'm so often scared spitless to use because I'm afraid of what other people are going to think of me. I may "seem" confident on the outside to onlookers, but I have my own set of insecurities.
Shameless plug: Come visit us on Sundays at 11:15 at Dilworth Elementary School. That would be awesome.
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